now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
