No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
