i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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