he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
