$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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