i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize