If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize