Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
