Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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