I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
