Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
