it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
