My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
