made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize