Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
