I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
love makes seman taste better
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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