Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
