I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
