omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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