Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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