Yo dont text me then not text me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your cock deserves a montage
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
