I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize