just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
