She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
