This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
