she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
