so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
