you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
