I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
