Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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