Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
