chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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