happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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