my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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