Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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