The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
