its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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