Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
