i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
