Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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