I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
