dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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