a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
