Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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