Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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