I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
