we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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