He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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