I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
