you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
