I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize