just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
