GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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