I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
