It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
