my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
