I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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