Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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