So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
