How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
