I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize