Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
