after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
