i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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