this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
