I'm jealous of your bromance
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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