Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
