Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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